I have a lot to say, but I usually say nothing at all.
It is not that I do not have the intelligence to say something credible or intriguing. There are plenty of people in this world who lack an IQ and still have the courage to speak what is truly on their minds. Let’s be real, we know a few of those.
It is just that the more I grow older, the more I lose my ability to speak. I grew up believing in those catchy phrases that subtly stop you from claiming your inner voice, though I know deep down they intend to mean well. “Think before you speak.” “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” “Don’t say anything you wouldn’t say to yourself.” “Choose your words carefully.” And much more…
I know that these beliefs are to stop crazy young kids (like myself) from speaking out or saying something that can harm others. But, at what point in my life did I repress my inner voice?
Going to college, working the regular nine to five, and coming home to my family has all been the same voice again and again. Uninspiring, ever-dreading, same day to day voice with no variation, and here I am practicing what was preached to me as a kid. All this time, I was trained and taught to practice your voice. To speak when told and to obey the norms of social conversation. To bite my tongue even though I have my mouthpiece wants to lash out. All this time, I have been practicing your voice.
But what about mine?
I have been suppressing my inner voice for the greater good, but what good has it done for me and my well-being. I am not saying I want to go off on people for no apparent reason or go on tantrum tangents. But what I want is just to speak: speak for myself. I want to test my knowledge and challenge my thoughts without the fear of being silenced. I want to shout to the world my interest and passion for art, philosophy, culture, and humanity. I want to be able to speak on a platform and have my voice heard. I want to feel my inner voice rises like a phoenix and escape. I want my voice to be free finally.
So, that is why I am here.
On Medium.
Writing my first piece, this is how I will practice.
Practicing my voice.